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It was a brisk December night in the Big Apple when I stood under the Washington Square Arch, as the greens and yellows and purples of the skyline glowed in the background. I was already exhausted from walking across Manhattan, having visited the National Museum of Mathematics and walked the High Line, but I also felt excited as I stood in the park waiting for our group of Subtle Asian Daters to form. Occasionally, SAD members organize meet-ups so that people can meet each other in real life.
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One user on Reddit posted a photo of the sign with the single-word rejoinder, “Kinda,” and the sixty-something comments that followed teased apart the the moral subtleties of dating within or outside of one’s own ethnicity or race. Reading through the thread feels like opening a Pandora’s Box, the air suddenly alive with questions that are impossible to meaningfully answer. Dating sites and services tailored to race, religion, and ethnicity are not new, of course. JDate, the matchmaking site for Jewish singles, has been around since If you are ethnically Japanese, looking to meet ethnically Japanese singles, there is JapaneseCupid.
Take a small half turn in the wrong direction, and there are dark places on the Internet like WASP Love, a website tagged with terms like “trump dating,” “alt-right,” “confederate,” and “white nationalism.
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What was supposed to be a one-hour coffee date had evolved into a nine-hour marathon. We had a lot in common, having experienced what some might describe as all-American upbringings. Over dinner, we connected when we opened up about our strained relationships with our mothers and how we came into our own when we went to college out of state. Our thoughts and values mirrored each other, as did our Myers-Briggs personality types. I smiled, expecting something from one of the countless jokes we had shared that day.
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